samllarh (samllarh) wrote in skull_davan,
samllarh
samllarh
skull_davan

Yesterday I got to cause $4,000 worth of damage to a sports car.

Specificially, the car is the new Mazda, which is something like a $50,000 car. And the best part is the guy won't dare prosecute me. In fact he can't, now that the moment has passed.

So, I'm in a wierd, L-shaped parking lot. Here's a diagram since it's easier:


Side A
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Side B
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


The Xs represent the building. Now, On Side A, there's a walkway which is maybe three meters wide, and it curves around a touch on Side B. Now, on the corner of Side A and Side B, the walkway has a sorta ramp, so people often drive over this, since only one and a half cars can drive around the corner.

So, I'd done my shopping in this strip mall, and all the stores are along Side A, so Side B is just sorta a side alley. I walk around the corner to Side B, since I need to go across from Side B and there's a van turning the corner. I take two steps around, and a guy comes around the corner, over the ramp, doing 35 km/h. He screeches to a stop when he sees me, but it's too late. I've thrown my bag up in a reaction to this big fucking car coming at me, and the LCBO bag with the glass bottle of Vodka flies up and lands on his windshield, completely shattering it, while the top of the bottle cracks off cleanly, spraying the driver and his leather interior with both Vodka and glass.

The driver, a big motherfucker who probably weighed in the realm of 300 lbs, gets out and screams "What the fuck!? Look at my fucking car!!"

Now, I'm not having the greatest day. I'm going to a party, I'd spent the last cash I had on hand on some clothes I had in another bag, so I'd have to go home and come back for the Vodka. Plus, this reckless asshole nearly ran me down because he was too impatient to wait twenty seconds to go around the corner.

"Fuck you, asshole! You nearly ran me down, you stupid motherfucker! This is a parking lot! The speed limit is ten, and pedestrians have the right of way!"

He doesn't look impressed with me for this. "Who's going to pay for this!?"

Me: "You are, you stupid motherfucker!"

Him: "I'm not fucking paying! You're going to pay for this, right fucking now!"

Me: "Fucking make me!"

So, he comes over and grabs me by the cuff of my shirt, and bends me over the hood of his car, and starts screaming at me. Funny thing is, the silly shit left my knee right between his legs. I bring it up hard, and he loses his grip on me and slumps on me. I roll him off and get up.

Me: "Good job, asshole! Next time you wanna bully someone, do it right! Look, you wanna involve the cops? Go right ahead! You'll get charged with reckless driving, not to mention assault!"

Him: "Fuck you."

I just walked away, and he didn't bother chasing me, either on foot or in his car. He couldn't even speed away like he might have wanted to, since his windshield was gone. Somehow, despite the fact I had to make an extra trip for the Vodka, I was a very happy camper.
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