I've offered the dumbass with the dog a deal. I got the date we're to be in Small Claims court (November sometime) where we will present our cases. I offered him a deal, though, so that we'd not have to show up. I'd not point at him and laugh when he lost the case, if he dropped the case, so he wouldn't have to experience the mental anguish of having a judge call him a dumbass while I laughed.
He didn't take my offer. Ah well.
If it comes to actually showing up, I'm going to restrict myself largely to saying the dog attacked first, and unlike him I'm not required, by law, to leash and control my animal... and then trying to scientifically prove that he's the missing link between man and ape. I'm fairly certain that between his double-digit IQ, his braidable back hair, and his knuckles calloused from dragging on the floor, I can make this claim evident.